Back...once again

I've gained weight the last 2 months...about 9-10 pounds. Disgusting
But I'm trying to loose weight once again. This time I'm doing the Lemonade Diet (Master Cleanse) with my mom, so she won't be mad when I refuse to eat, because this time..I DON'T HAVE TO EAT :D
I'm so happy
I really need to loose 30 pounds in 3 weeks..done it before SOO I can definitely do it NOW!
Wish me luck!

Want a perfect life..with a perfect body

Tommorrow I start my water fast (5 days) so I can lose about 10 pounds
I will also exercise for about 15 minutes a day (like intense exercise) because if I exercise more than that I would probably pass out. I know how my body works Ok?
Now that I am back, I am starting to care about my weight again...normally I wouldn't. I would only try to die by not eating anything..but now I am once again trapped in this circle...Inches, pounds, kilograms, cm, lb...*sigh* it will drive me nuts in no time.
For now, my plans are: water fasts, ADD (Alternative day diet), and 2468. (NO ABC) why? because it makes me binge, makes me lose control..that's why. :]
Oh, and obviously, exercise (but I DON'T WANNA!!!..I'm too lazy) but Hey! I have to do everything I can to loose weight and have a perfect body...with a protruding collar bone, rib cage, hip bones, wrist bone, back bone.. EVERY BONE!!!
LOVE BONES!

Back In the Game

Back...once again.
A while ago, I tried to quit this "world". (I couldn't.)
Tried to eat normal. (I felt disgusted with myself.)
Tried not to weight myself. (IT WAS KILLING ME!!)
Tried to accept my body. (How could I do that? I don't even accept myself..)
So basically, I couldn't get over my ED...And it's back.
Don't know why, but I'm really happy with it [right now]
And I decided I would fast for 5 days so I can lose a little bit of the gained weight
I am 130 right now! back where I started 2 years ago... HATE IT!
Hopefully, I will be 110 or less for summer. I really need a perfect, little, fragile body.
Feels good to be back.

Once again..I try to throw up the pain

A while ago, I decided I would not have a single binge for the rest of the year.
But my mom ruined it...I am sorry if I can't be the perfect daughter. I wish you would love me and accept me, but I guess that will never happen.
Yesterday, my mom said something that really hurt me..and after that, I binged.
Not just a normal binge, it was a huge binge.
I purged after..and while I was throwing up I was just thinking about getting the food out of my system..but I was also thinking about getting all the pain I have inside me out. And I just wish it could be that simple. Just like throwing up food.
That Simple.

Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.

Today...NO!!! TOMORROW I dare to win! YES!!
Well about the plateau stuff..I kept eating a little bit..I just gained 3 pounds
Tomorrow I start the water fast again..until the day before Xmas
And I want to be (AT LEAST) 115 or less..NO MORE THAN 115..HEEEEELLLL NO!
and I just have to lose 8 pounds in 7 days..and Oh yes I will (remember? 2 pounds/day? <-- I am still losing the same amount as I used to yay for me)
So it will be very easy I guess :]
wish me luck!!! (cause I need it) Nah I really don't ;)



She looks damn happy (I would too..If I had that body)

The secret of success is constancy to purpose.

I hit a plateau. (Yeah, I will survive. Haha)
Today I broke the water fast (I had to!) and I had some food so I will lose weight again..Tomorrow I am starting the fast [AGAIN] Well I noticed it because my weight has not changed at all for the last 3 days...and this has happened before and I know that I have to eat in order to keep losing weight..and I am completely okay with it..as long as I keep losing right? I have to do whatever it takes!!
and I will NOT (and I repeat) I WILL NOT fail! It is not an opition.
I will keep fighting no matter what.
Wish me luck tomorrow :]

Lying is done with words and also with silence

The only way I can fast is telling my mom I am sick...And she won't fight with me everytime I refuse to eat. Cause when I am sick (truly sick) I am not hungry at all...In fact, if I am sick and I eat..I'll just throw up right away (always happens). So now that I am "sick" I've been doing very very well with my water fast.
Today we had lunch at my uncles house with the whole family..There was meat, smashed potatoes, rice, sausages, candies, brownies, cake, etc...And I didn't eat a single thing..because my mom didn't let me. Hahaha! I was so happy
I was also happy, because the fat cousin was eating EVERYTHING!!! and she was supposed to be on a "diet" but now she told me she has been eating just cereal for breakfast, normal stuff for lunch (but she won't repeat) and for dinner she only drinks tea...well seems it is not working because she is still fat...GOD! I am so happy..I feel so good

BUT!!!..(Oh yes, there is always a "but") because of my "sickness" I will go to the doctor on Tuesday. And I have a HUUGEE problem. I've dropped 10 pounds since the last time I went to the doctor, and OH YES! that was about 2 weeks ago..that would be VERY weird. And my mom will notice right away whats been going on because she knows about my ED but she thinks I'm already over it (OBVIOUSLY) I am NOT!
So I will try to put on a lot of clothes and drink lots of water and eat 0 calorie Jello so I will gain a little bit of weight (which would be just water weight) but I will be okay for the moment with it.
Well..Good night <3